Society isn't nearly as formal as it used to be, but it still never hurts to be aware of some of the basic customs that dictate all sorts of behavior when it comes to weddings.
To the rescue: Elizabeth L. Post, granddaughter-in-law of the famed Emily Post.
A few observations:
Is there a set rule on who should or should not have bridal or baby showers for family members?
The only people who are not "eligible" to give showers are immediate family. That generally means mothers, mothers-in-law and sisters. Aunts, nieces and cousins are not immediate family and may host a shower.
How do guests dress for a formal daytime wedding?
Women should wear street-length afternoon or cocktail dresses. Colors are preferable to all black or all white.
Men should wear dark suits, conservative shirts and ties.
… a formal evening wedding?
Women, depending on local custom, should wear long or short dresses. Head coverings and gloves are optional.
If women wear long dresses, men should wear tuxedos. If women wear short dresses, men may wear tuxedos or dark suits.
May duplicate wedding gifts be exchanged? Should I tell the donor?
Yes, duplicate wedding gifts may be exchanged, so long as they are not from the bride or bridegroom's family. If they suggest that the bride exchange the gift for something else, naturally she may do so.
When a duplicate gift is received from someone who lives far away and is not likely to visit the bride and groom soon, the couple need not mention the fact that they are exchanging a present on their thank-you note. However, it would be wise to explain the exchange to someone who will be in the house and will surely notice the absence of the gift.
If you do not mention the exchange to the donor, it is important to mention in your thank-you note that you are enjoying what you got as a replacement, thanks to them.
Are wedding presents addressed to the bride alone, or to both the bride and groom?
A wedding present given before the wedding is addressed to the bride alone. A gift given after the wedding is addressed to both the bride and groom.
How soon after receiving a gift should the thank-you note be written?
Thank-yous should be written promptly, particularly when a gift is received through the mail and the donor has no way of knowing if you received it or not. Although it is preferable that the bride and groom acknowledge all gifts as they are received, they may, if necessary, take up to three months, at the outside, to send their thank-yous.
How can a bride make it known she'll be using her own name after the wedding. Can she include a small card with the invitation?
An addition to the end of the wedding announcement for the newspaper reading, "Miss Harris plans to retain her maiden name," is a good way to make it know. A card included with the invitation is not appropriate, but "at home" cards included with announcements sent after the wedding clearly impart the information:
Marissa Cartozian
and
Timothy Greeley
at home after the third of November
(etc.)
***
Find many more tips on wedding etiquette in "Emily Post on Weddings, Revised Edition" (HarperPerennial, $9.95).
