Gentlemen, face facts: Most of the wedding planning is out of your control -- which is not entirely a bad thing.
All the same, there are plenty of things you might want to know about the ceremony, planning and the institution itself. You can ask your father or married friends, or, if you prefer, pick up Esquire's "Things a Man Should Know About Marriage" ($10.95, Riverhead Books).
Its admonitions include:
"Marriage upside: on those chilly nights, a surefire heat source.
"Marriage downside: fighting for the covers."
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"You'll be better off if you pretend convincingly to care about the selection of china pattern for the registry."
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"In India, couples are married before a small fire, into which they toss flowers, water, seeds and fruits, which are considered the four symbols of life.
"Here in the West, we have replaced this poetic custom with a larger, metaphorical fire, into which we ritually hurl great piles of currency."
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"Most men no longer wear tails, because, aside from being uncomfortable, they make most men look like penguins. You, sir, are most men."
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"Some women believe expensive diamond rings are silly and excessive.
"We've not yet met one."
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"The man said for better or worse.
"And it can get bad, real bad."
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"While it is thoughtful to let her pick out the ring, it is also gutless and infinitely less romantic than surprising her with one."
