He's the mediator and counselor, the pal, parson and pop psychologist. He's the treasurer, barkeeper and one-man security force guarding the two gold loops the minister will equate to a love with no beginning or end.
And you thought the best man only hired bachelor-party entertainment and crafted "alternative explanations" for the groom's pasty complexion and alcohol-tinged breath.
The term "best man" is traced to Scotland, where the bridegroom would kidnap the woman he wanted to marry. The toughest of his friends, picked to assist in the ritual, became known as the "best man."
The modern best man requires far more diplomacy. He (or she) must craft a celebratory farewell to bachelorhood to meet the taste of an eclectic crowd and somehow deliver a sober (or slightly hung-over) groom to the bride in time for the ceremony.
According to attorney James Grace, the best man is the lynchpin, who can choreograph traffic like a Times Square cop or send the couple careening into divorce court by accidentally toasting the groom's ex-girlfriend (the bride's name is Cindy, 'Cindy'! Not Suzie. Ugh!).
Grace warns that failure to perform your duties "could place your well-being in jeopardy."
Author of "The Best Man's Handbook" (Running Press), Grace argues the groomsman must serve the couple (not just his best friend) by meeting key goals:
•†First, do no harm nor allow the other groomsmen to. Watch how laid back you become after the nerve-wracking "I-dos" are done. And keep an eye on Johnny. His taste for Jack Daniels and redheads could rip the family apart when Aunt Peggy and her flaming wig join the conga line.
•†The bachelor party must be fun, but without "causing injury to any guests or paid entertainers," Grace warns. The bride won't appreciate the groom smelling like a dollar-store fragrance counter. Try a golf outing or fishing trip. Lap dancing is 'not' a pre-wedding tradition.
•†You must ensure the groom shows up at the wedding. That means keeping his stomach calm and head from spinning.
•†The wedding toast should make "one person misty-eyed," Grace advises, and someone over 70 say 'Oh dear, wasn't that nice.'" That means no references to old relationships (his or hers!). Grace is simply urging caution and that old vaudeville advice: Know your audience.
•†Moderation. Whether eating or drinking, do everything in moderation until you are relieved of your duties.
And if you find yourself getting nervous, woozy or nauseated, repeat these magic words: "At least I'm not the one getting married."
